Emergency Blog: Jeff Faulters BIG TIME

After dinner, a family that lives a few houses down came over for a little chat. There children, ages 5 and 8, were running around, having a gay-ole time. They were checking out the rocks, trying to catch fish, generally being happy little children.

And then Jeff came outside. He said (in a creepy come get my candy voice) "hey chase me. come get me!!". The little one, Paige, said "NO" and continued to play with her brother. Jeff kept trying to make them chase him, until a brilliant light went off in his head.....wait a minute, I'll chase them. Forty pound Paige didn't know what hit her when 5'9", 180 Jeff came running after her. Paige, SPRINTED to her mother crying, "He scares me! I want to go home NOW". My mom was dying laughing. My dad went to get a beer. The poor mother grabbed her children and left (not happy might I add). Jeff continues to ask the brother "why do I scare her? Hey you, why did I scare your sister?"

Sometimes Jeff, less is more.

I'm not really sure how to post videos/hyperlinks. But you really must watch this. PLEASE go here.

My brother (William Emmett Wishart IV) sat me down to show me something that "reminded him of Jeff". I was skeptical; but once again my little brother is right. Please tell me if this Jeff.

WATCH ME!( yes, click here, its not a virus. Its just youtube)

And the Battle Rages...

Jeff could probably write this post better than I could. This was a classic interaction between Jeff and my Mother that left him wondering "why doesn't everyone treat me like a prince". I am happy to report though that after this happened, they sort of bonded. My dad and I think they came to a silent, mutual position of WTF.

Jeff "So Mrs. Wishart, I'm really enjoying living here..." this opening line may be made up. All I know is that Jeff and I were sitting around in the kitchen, enjoying a glass of Root 1. He tried to initiate conversation with my mom. Please insert any useless sentence as an opening liner.

Judy "Well Jeff that's good. You know I'm not thrilled about you living here"

Jeff "I understand but its just temporary"

And now, my sweet mother, puts down her pen and paper and looks Jeffrey directly in the eye

Judy "You know, I was happy when you and Laura broke up. In fact, I told her to not get back with you. Date, see what else is out there. I still tell her that. Should be looking around. That is how I feel about this whole thing".

BOTH Jeff and I were bamboozled. With this, she picks back up her pen and continues to grade her sweet little Fourth grader's spelling tests, complete with smiles and stickers. I just sat there stunned. Poor Jeff gulped his wine in one swift sip.

Welcome to the monkey house.

Bush v. Lehrman

My father called me out of studying to walk me half way around our block. He really wanted to show me a bumper-sticker.

It said "somewhere in Texas, a village is missing their idiot". My dad thought this was the funniest thing he has ever read.

Dinner Quotes

WOW! Dinner never will get boring....

Just some quotes from our latest family meal.

Jeff: Mrs. Wishart! Do you think I would download porn on your computer!?!
Mom: umm...well....
Jeff: I'm not that stupid!
Mom: umm...well...


Mom: Jeff, have you talked to your mother recently?
Jeff: Yes, talked to her yesterday
Mom: oh good. So she knows I haven't killed you yet. (she is stone cold serious)
Jeff: oh haha (nervous giggle)

With this, Jeff stands up, opens the fridge, and proceeds to have one of his sneezing attacks. Judy steals my wine and chugs it. Our fridge now needs cleaning and our food is contaminated.

Jeff Stuns The Dinner Table

It was bound to happen folks. At some point, Jeff was going to mess up. He and Judy have had their misunderstandings in the past, and now he is pretty afraid of her. He just tries so hard! After only two days living here, the first two major incidents happen. Both times, all I could think of was Drew and Justin laughing.

First, Jeff and I were working on folding his laundry. He didn't feel well so naturally folding his jeans was just too tiring for him (even though I am the one with strep throat). He got pretty snippy with me over my folding skills, so I walked out of the laundry room, leaving him to his own technique. Since he felt bad, he tried to help me carry up some boxes to the attic, even though I told him I was fine. He kept pulling the boxes out of my hand, till he banged into the wall, knocking over my mom's picture. When he went to pick it up, he "accidentally" kicked it down the stairs, breaking the glass. I took the blame as my mom would have eaten him for dinner.

As we sat down to eat a nice home-cooked meal, Jeff was too tired to come to the dinner table. It almost would have been better if he stayed in his room, for as he showed up 20 minutes late, my mom asked him "what he wanted to do in his first weekend in Jersey". I told my mom we might go to the beach, check out the new wine bar overlooking the city, or actually go into the city (NYC that is). I really want to play in Central Park a little or check out a play before bar review begins. What did Jeff respond with? "I think I'm gonna go to Atlantic City alone. I'm really competitive".

hmm...if there was a way to insert crickets into this blog it would be great.....

Here were the responses of my family:

Judy - menacing glances at Jeff

Bill - disapproving silence and stare down

Brother - WTF giggle and simultaneous head shake

Me - red embarrassment.

It was only a matter of time.

***UPDATE: As Jeff is in AC right now, my mom cornered me and asked me who really broke the picture. Apparently, Jeff did the same thing earlier in the day when he was trying to help her, only the picture didn't break that time. As Reba would say, "you Mo-Ron".***

Graduation

Well, folks. We finally did it! We are graduates of the Valparaiso University School of Law! It was a fun filled weekend, full of madness. Kicked off by the Champagne Reception, events included the actual graduation ceremony, a fantastic BBQ at Kelly's house, and a party at DISH. Check out our graduation gear - I know we look like we stepped out of Hogwarts!

For the first time, my family and Jeff's family met each other. With the aid of liquid lubricants, all became great friends.  Highlights included: my dad calling Jeff's aunt a "pisser", drunk JP giving a toast to all those lucky enough to be in an 8 mile radius, and many other stories which are not internet appropriate. Sorry! 

 Jeff's family surprised us with a cake - I heard it was most excellent! Unfortunately, I shy away from chocolate but from the looks of it, everyone else took over and killed that bad boy. It must have been fantastic!

It was very sad to graduate, even though we had been looking forward to it for months. I will not miss Valpa-rain-hail-sleet-or-snow but I will most definitely miss the people. I made such excellent friends and now we are all spread across the country. I hope we all are able to visit each other and keep in touch. Everyone should move to Jersey!